英语幽默故事总带着快乐的味道来到我们的身边，那些简短而精炼的话语，总在不经意间叫我们忍俊不禁。

　　品读英语幽默故事精粹，让我们在那不一样的文字中，感受快乐的陪伴。其实，快乐就是这样简单。

　　1、一定很拥挤

　　A teacher is telling his students, “The moon is very large. Several millions people can live there.”

　　And a boy laughs and says, “It must get crowded when it‘s a crescent moon.”

　　一位告诉学生：“月亮非常大，上面能住几百人。”

　　一个男孩笑着说：“当月亮变成月牙的时候，住在上面的人该多拥挤啊！”

　　2、变相收费

　　Customer:Everyday you charge me money for a cup of coffee.It will be wonderful if you serve me coffee free of charge today.

　　Waiter:Yeah,you can have a free coffee.But we will charge your money for the seat and the cup.

　　顾客：“每天你都会收我喝咖啡的钱，要是今天咖啡免费呐就太完美了。”

　　服务员：“但是我们会向你收位子占用费和使用杯子的费用。”

　　3、咖啡问题

　　A man was at the doctor‘s office. “Every time I drink a cup of coffee, Doctor, I have a stabbing pain in my right eye. What should I do?” he asked.

　　“Take the spoon out of your cup. ” answered the doctor.

　　一位男子来到医生的办公室。“医生，每次我喝咖啡，我的右眼都有刺痛感。您说我该怎么办？”他问道。

　　“把勺子从咖啡杯里拿出来。”医生回答说。

　　4、十块糖

　　Mother asks her son, “Jim, if you have ten candies, and you eat four, then how many candles do you have?”

　　“Ten.” Jim says.

　　“Then,” Mother asks.

　　“Yes, Mum. Four candles are in my stomach and six candies are out of my stomach. Four and six is ten, isn‘t it right?”

　　妈妈问儿子：“吉姆， 如果你有10块糖，吃了4块，那你还有几块糖？”

　　“10块。”吉姆说。

　　“10块？”妈妈问。

　　“是的，妈妈。因为4块在我的肚子里面，6块在肚子外面，4加6等于10，不对吗？”

　　5、那不是我的狗

　　A woman walks into a pet shop and sees a cute little dog. She asks the shopkeeper, “Does your dog bite?”

　　The shopkeeper says, “No, my dog does not bit.”

　　The woman tries to pet the dog and the dog bites her.

　　“Ouch!” She says, “I thought you said your dog does not bite!”

　　The shopkeeper replies, “That is not my dog!”

　　一个妇人走进一家宠物店，看见一只很可爱的小狗。她问店主：“你的狗咬人吗？”

　　店主说：“不，我的狗不咬人。”

　　于是这个妇人试着抚摸小狗，可是小狗却咬了她。

　　“哎哟！”妇人说，“我想你刚才还说你的狗不咬人。”

　　店主人回答说：“那不是我的狗。”

　　6、大脑袋

　　“All the kids make fun of me”the boy cried to his mother.“They say I have a big head”

　　“Don‘t listen to them.”his mother comforted him.“You have a beautiful head .Now stop crying and go to the store for ten pounds of potatoes”

　　“Where‘s the shopping bag?”

　　“I haven‘t got one,use your hat.”

　　“所有的孩子都拿我开玩笑，”小男孩哭着跟妈妈说：“他们说我长了一个大脑袋。”

　　“别听他们的，”他妈妈安慰说：“你的脑袋长得很漂亮。好了，别哭了，去商店买10磅土豆来。”

　　“购物袋在哪？”

　　“我没有购物袋，就用你的帽子吧。”

　　7、汤姆是个小孩

　　Tom is a little boy, and he is only seven years old. Once he goes to a cinema. It is the first time for him to do that. He buys a ticket and goes in. But after two or three minutes he comes out, and buys the second ticket and goes in again. After a few minutes he comes out again and buys the third ticket. Two or three minutes after that he comes out and asks for another ticket. But a girl asks him,“Why do you buy so many tickets? How many friends do you meet?”“No, I have no friends here, but a big woman always stops me at the door and cuts up my ticket.”

　　汤姆是个小孩， 他才7岁。当他去电影院的时候。那时他第一次去。他买了张票进去了。但没过两三分钟他就出来了，然后买了第二张票又进去了。几分钟后他又出来买了第三张票。接着两三分钟后他又出来买票。一个女的问她，“你为什么要买那么多票啊？ 你见到了几个朋友？”“没有， 我里面没朋友，但是每当我进门的时候一位大的女人老把我的票给剪了”

　　8、不能让他跑了

　　A male crab met a female crab and asked her to marry him. She noticed that he was walking straight instead of sideways. Wow, she thought, this crab is really special. I can‘t let him get away .So they got married immediately.

　　The next day she noticed her new husband waking sideways like all the other crabs, and got upset. “What happened?” she asked. “You used to walk straight before we were married.”

　　“Oh, honey, ” he replied, “I can‘t drink that much every day.”

　　一只雄蟹遇到一只雌蟹，便要娶她为妻。她注意到他走路是直着走，而不是横着走。哇！她想，这只雄蟹可真特别，我可不能让他跑了。因此他们立刻结婚了。

　　第二天，她又发现她的新郎像其他蟹一样横着走路了。她深感不安。“你怎么了？”她问，“我们结婚前你可是直着走路的。”

　　“哦，宝贝，”他回答说，“我不可能每天都喝那么多。”

　　9、那是做什么用的

　　While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends，a college student led the way into the den. “What is the big brass gong and hammer ford ”One of his friends asked.“That is the talking clock.”the man replied.“How does it work!”

　　“Watch，”the man said and proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer. Suddenly，someone screamed from the other side of the wall，“Knock it off，you idiots It‘s two 0‘clock in the morning”

　　一个学生带他朋友们参观他的新公寓，甚是得意。“那个大铜锣和锤子是干什么用的？”他的一个朋友问他。“那玩意儿厉害了，那是一个会说话的钟”，学生回答。“这钟怎么工作的？”

　　他的朋友问。“看着，别眨眼了”，那学生走上前一把操起铜锣和锤子，拼命地敲了一下，声音震耳欲聋。突然，他们听到隔壁墙那边有人狂叫，“别敲了，你这白痴！现在是凌晨两点钟了！”

　　10、我让奶奶高兴了

　　A teacher is telling her students the importance of making others glad. “Now, children,” she says“Did you make someone else glad?”

　　“Please, teacher,” says a small boy, “I made someone glad yesterday.”

　　“Well done. Who was that?” The teacher says.

　　“My granny.” The boy says.

　　“Good boy. Now tell us how you made your grandmother glad.” The teacher says.

　　“I went to see her yesterday, and stayed with her for three hours. Then I said to her, ‘Granny, I‘m going home.‘ And she said, ‘well. I‘m glad!‘”

　　一位教师正在对学生将使人高兴的重要性。“听着，孩子们，”他说：“你们曾让别人高兴过吗？”

　　“我，老师，”一个男孩子说，“昨天我就使别人高兴过。”

　　“做得好。是谁呢？”老师说。

　　“我奶奶。”小男孩说。

　　“好孩子。现在告诉我们，你是怎样使你奶奶高兴的？”老师问道。

　　“是这样的，老师。昨天我去看她，在她那儿呆了3个小时。然后我对她说：奶奶，我要回家了。她说：啊，我很高兴。”